When I was in college, I had a neighbour who always greeted me with a big smile. A genuine one.
He was two years older than me. We weren’t even close. But I was always happy to see him, because that short interaction would instantly lift my mood.
He stood out because people didn’t really smile that much in that place. The Balkans are like that… Most people have serious, tired faces, and give you grumpy stares.
And later I noticed that he did that with everyone, not just me. It’s almost as if he applied Adler’s philosophy about considering that all people are your comrades. But I’m sure he never heard about it…
His family was poor. He grew up with his mom and 4 brothers in a one bedroom apartment. He had to start working early, and probably didn't finish college. He wasn't the most polished or educated guy. But he understood something most people don't: a simple smile changes everything.
Years later, I realised how powerful his simple gesture was.
By smiling, not only did he disarm people (especially those who are naturally aggressive) but he made their days a little bit better. A smile releases tension. Try being hostile to someone who's genuinely smiling at you. It doesn't work… And every time he did it, his mood improved too.
Then I thought about my reactions…
Having grown up in a place where people are adversarial all the time, I was the same: neutral face, just like everyone else.
So I started using the trick, and it was hard, because most people don’t smile back. And I thought about my neighbour: he smiled first, not because those people deserve it, but because he chose to.
And slowly, I noticed I was less tense around people.
And they were less tense around me.
Eventually, cashiers and waiters felt warmer, strangers seemed to become friendlier, conversations flowed better, and moving through the day felt easier.
All from a smile.
This week's action:
Notice what your face does when you greet people. Are you neutral, serious, smiling?
Then smile at every person you greet. Even if they don't smile back.
Do it for 3 days straight, and let me know how it went.
Share this with a friend who might like it.
Thanks for reading,
Valentin